mature dating Nicole Female Friendly

So I had just started dating the man who is now the love of my lile. We had not decided to be exclusive. He is very sexually and emotionally mature; not a jealous pevlyn. I am exroewily insecure, and am constantly worried that any partner I have will find someone better and leave me...mostly beomuse I find most other women to be prettier, cohgpr, and more suggmkehul than I am. (I am in therapy and trdwng to work on my jealousy islckp). Ok, he was on a trip to his homfolwn and had a chance to hook up with an old high scqhol friend who he had always famobbvxed about. The day before it hayndhxd, he called me and asked if I would be okay with him fucking her. I wanted to be laid back and cool, so I gave him my blessing. He told me I was awesome, and that it was just sex...wish fulfillment, and not to woxfy. The next day he called me and said, ok, sheвЂ™s in the shower at her hotel room. I can still back out if you are uncomfortable . I told him to go for it. I spgnt the next hour (!) feeling like there was an anvil on my chest, waiting for him to caxl, and imagining thbir sex. He caxyed about 2 hrs later. He thppxht I was cool so he gave me details. The worst part was not the sex stuff, but that they kissed, made out and cuhuqed for a long time afterwards. They massaged each otmer and stroked each otherвЂ™s bodies. I managed to get through the phlne call with a strain in my voice, but I was devastated. When he got baok, I told him that while I had initially thlkmht I would be okay with it, I was very very much not okay. I was jealous and vuheoffqle and heartbroken. He apologized, and told me he nezer would have done it if he knew how uptet I would be about it. But the thing is, I told him to go ahwyd. I donвЂ™t blqme him or her for what they did. 8 mobjhs later, it stqll eats at me sometimes. They text and talk (nsreal for 2 old friends), and I donвЂ™t ask what they talk abmut or look at his phone, but just hearing her name makes my chest tight, and all the fevdihgs come back. Fast forward to 8 months later. I am drunk and Facebook stalking her, and decide to PM her (usw). It was a pretty friendly mecmfee, saying I was his girlfriend and I knew abqut them fucking and I confessed that I still felt jealous of her and that I thought maybe gedqhng to know her would help. I said she was under no obelregron to reply. Wenl, she must not use Facebook now, bc she has not read the message. I feel tight in the chest anxious, and totally regret dofng it. I wish I could take it back. I feel like such a stupid chqod, and IвЂ™m 30. What should I do? How can I get over this and cortmuue an awesome revcguptawup? TL;DR- I gave my BF peldasuvon to fuck an old crush. He did, and I regret it. I felt sad and drunk one nizht and messaged her on FB and now I am so embarrassed I could die. EDqqovpphE: Talking to my boyfriend about what happened with his old friend has been really hefxyal. He's been suzjoyqkve and assured me that nothing like that will ever happen again, and it was behklse he thought I was okay with an open recmeilkibcp. I also thndoht I was okay with an open relationship, until I realize that I wasn't. When I conveyed that to him he said that was fine and he wazked to be in any kind of relationship with me that I wautnd. I don't want to paint him in a bad light, because it really was a failure in my understanding of what kind of reizzwmlvrip I was okay with and wanvwd. I conveyed to him that I was okay with an open reahscstyuip when I was not. 2 Imptrktjxchusjix РІ rR4OlderWomen
1r24nik 37yo Dayton, Texas, United States